Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Everybody's high on consolation

But I'm fine!

I knnew that once he was away, everything would settle.  What I wasn't ready for was the loss felt by his dad!  He is visibly missing his boy more than I realised he would.  The delight in his face when he was able to speak and see him on Monday night on Skype was amazing, and that made me sniff just a little bit more than anything else.

His wee sister too is missing him something awful.  They might have fought while they were together, but i think it was just their way of showing their love!

Am I too hard? 

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Sum of All Fears

Boy is becoming hyper with excitement.

I am becoming hyper with panic.

Beloved is retreating into himself.

Tooli is coming into her own.

I wish I could breathe easily.

After Friday, I'm sure I'll be fine.

Monday, August 02, 2010

When you find that you're always waiting

The train journey to work is always an interesting one.  I have three carriages to choose from, and each of those carriages is broken in to two.

I recognise daily the regulars who get on my train, and they all have their particular egress and exit points.  I like to throw a bit of a spanner in the work, by changing doors occassionally.

People always sit firstly in a section by themselves, secondly in a section opposite, with one other person, and only if pushed, in a section beside someone.  

I took my crochet today, and focussed on that.  People tend to watch the crochet and not me, so I can look at them.  This morning, a wee chap who I knew was focussed on me, was sitting across the aisle from me, when I glanced over, it wasn't my crochet he was watching, but me. I just smiled and he went all agitated and itchy.  People are discomforted when you catch them watching you. 

People are actually discomforted when you speak directly to them, and they don't know you.  I'm constantly speaking to people I don't know because I feel there is a statement to be made.  "bloody noise", "bloody kids", "gorgeous weather", "beautiful baby".  Nothing more than that. One thing I have noticed, elderly people, as soon as I start speaking look terrified and horrified, when they realise that I'm passing the time of day, and not screaming at them, or slandering them in any way, the appreciate and joy that comes over their face is a joy. 

Try talking to people you don't know.  It'll make them happy.