Monday, September 28, 2015

It's all in the breathing

I had a hysterectomy 12 years ago (I was very young... but had had my family).

My hysterectomy was to try and rid me of the evil that is Endometriosis.

I suffered with Endo for a long, long time.  I first went to the Doctor in 1986, because sex with my then current boyfriend (and subsequently my husband - Yay), was really painful.  Really , really painful.  The doctor decided it was Constipation, stuck her finger right up my arse, wiggled it around and said "Maybe".

That examination put me off going back for a long time.   It also put me off sex for quite some time too.

Eventually I returned to the Doctors, around 8 years later and this time, I had IBS.  I drank Fibregel every day, twice a day. To this day, I still hate the taste of Fibre, and Orange.

The pain did not diminish.  It increased.  Monthlies expanded.  I had Monthlies all the time.    I walked like a baby in terry toweling nappies, because basically that's what was happening.

The pain grew in area - not only was it restricted to my womb and lower back and cervix. It started to move down my legs.  Performing Number 2's at the wrong time of the month or day, would result in me having to lie down, sedate myself and recover from the pain.  The flow would make me drop to my knees.

Eventually I was referred for a Laparoscopy.

It didn't find anything.

The doctor suggested a hysterectomy simply as a last resort.

When I went into hospital, I think they considered that I was having a hysterectomy to "stop the inconvenience of periods".

When I woke up from surgery, the doctor apologised to me.

I did have Endo - it was hidden from the front view; hence no result with the laparoscopy.  My bladder, and ovaries, and cervix, and womb were tightly bound together with the endo scar tissue.  They had to cut everything out and stitch me back up again.

They scraped away what they could of the Endo, but as is the way, they couldn't remove it all.  My cervix was too tightly welded for them to remove it, so not only am I without Womb - I still have to undergo smears.

The pain subsided.  It hasn't left completely, and it is impacted by what I eat. I think because my bowel was affected, some foods digest differently and struggle to move thru an adapted bowel.  Depending on what I have eaten, No 2s can still cause me gross pain.  

Like today.

Yesterday I did something which made me howl in pain on the loo.

I had to lay down for a good while after to recover from the shock of the pain.

It's never going to go - i just have to learn to deal with the pain as best I can without resorted to sedating myself.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Sunday Stealing....

Really Random Meme

Stolen from: Love me some surveys

Do you believe that Walt Disney is really frozen?    of course; of all the people in the world who would be so megalomaniac that he would want to come back when it was possible to re-ignite his brain, he would be the one.  He invented worlds, on earth.  He created new races.   And think about the question... "FROZEN", that's one of his too!

Do you believe its easy to forgive and forget?   I love to proclaim that I do, but I don't; which is why I am in therapy.  I remember every last evil thing that people have said to me, and the eat away at my mind and I like to say to myself, "no no no it doesn't bother me, I'm bigger than that... I can let it go .... " but secretly I am holding all these things too me and plotting my revenge. 

When you feel like running away from it all who do you call?  Ghostbusters?  ha ha ha. No, but that is the standard answer to "Who do you call".   I call my himself.   My love.  My other half. The one who sorts out all the problems.   I betcha he wishes I wasn't so dependent. 

Is there anyone who knows your entire life story?   Yip  same answer as that one just above. 

Have you had to have stitches at all in the last year?   Nope.  Thankfully.  Last time I had stitches.... was my hysterectomy.  And I think they were staples.  Time before that, it was on my face, when I had some plastic surgery. :-)

Which is coming next: Christmas or your birthday?  Christmas!

Have you ever been a clown for Halloween?   No.  Although Clowns are scary, and perfectly apt for Halloween, they scare me too much.  To see one on the other side of a mirror, would be just too much for me. And I might explode. 

What time did you go to bed last night?  Earlier than the night before.   It was about 2 am the night before; I think maybe 11?   Not 100% sure, because I was still suffering from the over indulgence which kept me up the night before. 

When did you get up this morning?   1030 am.  :-) 

When was the last time it rained?  Thursday night... 

Are your finger nails painted at the moment?   Nope, and they are bitten this week too.

Do you ever go hunting/fishing?    Oft no. I can't kill things.  Well I throw snails over the garden wall.  Is that huntin? 

Did you have an imaginary friend as a child?   No, but I have imaginary friends as an Adult.   The voices in my head sometimes escape and visualize beside me.  That always makes for an interesting drive home. 

Which parent do you look most like?   My dad.  I am my dad, in all respects, except for the male parts. 

Do you have any friends who are famous?  No, I don't think so.  I have .... met famous people on occasion but I tihink meeting me, was probably the catalyst to them not being friends with me :-) 

Do you use eBay to buy or sell?   Both....but not for a while for either, because I keep forgetting my password. 

Is music a daily part of your life? Yes,  I love listening to songs, music can totally change my mood - which is important when I am a bit bipolar.

Is your self esteem high or low?   Right now, am pretty confident in myself.  Happy, contented, and delighted to be alive :-) 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Sunday Stealing

Do you have a sensitive gag reflex?   Yah. So much so, that the dentist asking me to open my mouth is enough to kick it in.
Where are you the most ticklish? Most of my body, but feet - typical
What was the last situation to upset you?    This afternoon, when I bashed my head on the stair cupboard, which made me roll back on my knee, (which is sore), and drop down on my hand, (which is also sore) and I got completely upset about my aches and pains, (and age)
Have you ever had an online argument?    Yes, which enticed me to mute my opinions on line, and block anyone who disagrees with the minimalist view I might post. 
Do you like to listen to music while filling out surveys (memes)?   nah - i like a clear head.
How long do you spend on the phone each day, on average?    No time at all. I don't like talking to people;
Is anything in your hair right now, like gel, hairspray, etc.?  Not a thing. I like free hair.
When was the last time you were up before the sun? Do you like wearing sunglasses? Why or why not?    No - Sunglasses make me close my eyes. 
Last show you watched?  2012.  The film with John Cusack
Next vacation you’re going on? Hopefully USA to see our Son
Do you regret doing anything you’ve done this week?   Nah,, never regret anything
Last night you felt?   Happy
What are you wearing right now?  Leggings and a tee
Have you ever kissed underneath the stars?  Yes, lots
What are you doing now?   Watching TV see Above (John Cusack)
What plans do you have for tonight?    Bed.
What’s the very first thing you do when you wake up, other than breathe?    Groan
Do you like reading?    Yes
Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?   Yes, frequently
Have you ever kicked a vending machine?  Yes ha ha a
Do people consider you smart?  Yes, I am.  and modest
Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?  no. pft. I have real relationships
Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you?   yes, over-aware, and maybe uber sensitive
How much money did you spend yesterday?    70 on shopping (quite a lot of which Tooli took away with her)
Is there anything in your past that you’d like to try again?  Balloon Flight

Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

A Stitch In time

I just finished my latest "project".   I crocheted a baby jacket for my Baby  who is 21 ! 

She was enjoying the look and feel of the little baby jackets I was making for friends new babies, and said "if you could make me one like this, I would love it and wear it.   Challenge!

So over the last 3 or 4 weeks, I have been crocheting like crazy woman.  I had to re-do one sleeve 4 times. Too short, too tight, too baggy, too long.  Finally - they match.   

New Project Now : Spring blanket.  Multi-coloured flowers, in white border.  

I cannot wait to get started about it!.  I have to wait though, 

I broke my very favourite crochet hook - I have to wait on a new one arriving.  Symfonie crochet hooks seem to melt to my fingers. I love them. 

Even my previously much looked beech hooks have been lain to one side - they just don't seem to have the flex and feel of the Symfonie.

Imagine having a box like this.  If I carry on snapping hooks, or dropping them down plug holes (Don't ask) ... I'd be as cheap to buy this :-)