Wednesday, September 01, 2010

A Million Faces Pass Me By

Boy has been gone for 19 sleeps and life in the Cruse Household has settled into a nice holding pattern.

Tooli runs about like a demented teen - from Hockey, to Volleyball, to the Bedroom to study.  When the phone rings, we leave it, it's going to be for her.  Si and I bimble out to work, bimble back in, drive Tooli where she needs to go, and keep one eye on Skype at all times.

When we see his name blink up on the screen, either one of us are there in a flash.  It doesn't need to be long, just a quick "Hiya" "How you doing?", and he can go again - back to chatting with his old friends, or playing around with his new ones.

He's found his place in this world.  I think my boy was born to be an All-American College Kid.  He's fitting right in there.  Country and Western Concert at the weekend, driving trucks and abusing folk who chew tobacco.   He's made some great new friends and the photosgraphs look amazing.  He looks so comfortable and at home with these shiney new folk - I'm not worried at all.

The Hurricane, however is another matter.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Everybody's high on consolation

But I'm fine!

I knnew that once he was away, everything would settle.  What I wasn't ready for was the loss felt by his dad!  He is visibly missing his boy more than I realised he would.  The delight in his face when he was able to speak and see him on Monday night on Skype was amazing, and that made me sniff just a little bit more than anything else.

His wee sister too is missing him something awful.  They might have fought while they were together, but i think it was just their way of showing their love!

Am I too hard? 

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Sum of All Fears

Boy is becoming hyper with excitement.

I am becoming hyper with panic.

Beloved is retreating into himself.

Tooli is coming into her own.

I wish I could breathe easily.

After Friday, I'm sure I'll be fine.

Monday, August 02, 2010

When you find that you're always waiting

The train journey to work is always an interesting one.  I have three carriages to choose from, and each of those carriages is broken in to two.

I recognise daily the regulars who get on my train, and they all have their particular egress and exit points.  I like to throw a bit of a spanner in the work, by changing doors occassionally.

People always sit firstly in a section by themselves, secondly in a section opposite, with one other person, and only if pushed, in a section beside someone.  

I took my crochet today, and focussed on that.  People tend to watch the crochet and not me, so I can look at them.  This morning, a wee chap who I knew was focussed on me, was sitting across the aisle from me, when I glanced over, it wasn't my crochet he was watching, but me. I just smiled and he went all agitated and itchy.  People are discomforted when you catch them watching you. 

People are actually discomforted when you speak directly to them, and they don't know you.  I'm constantly speaking to people I don't know because I feel there is a statement to be made.  "bloody noise", "bloody kids", "gorgeous weather", "beautiful baby".  Nothing more than that. One thing I have noticed, elderly people, as soon as I start speaking look terrified and horrified, when they realise that I'm passing the time of day, and not screaming at them, or slandering them in any way, the appreciate and joy that comes over their face is a joy. 

Try talking to people you don't know.  It'll make them happy.

Friday, July 30, 2010

FOURTEEN DAYS AND COUNTING

I think everything bar the packing is done.

It's very strange getting used to thinking about life without Boy.

Everything about him is larger than life, the height, the voice, his actions.  He is possibly the loudest person I know, but also the most loving.

It's going to be very quiet for a while once he is gone.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

It's Just the Way it is...

A mark of how life is moving on.

Boy is heading off to America in less than 3 weeks.   My baby boy.

One side of my heart is so proud of him, envious even, of the opportunity that he is getting.  A new country, new people, new friends, training, travel,learning; it is mind exploding. 

The other side of my heart is sad.  It isn't broken, I just know that this is the point we, my husband and I have worked towards.   Making a human being so confident in himself, that he is able to take this step, and move away, so very, very far away and start out on his own.  I'm proud that we achieved what we promised ourselves as we felt Betsy Bump move.  A friend, a son to be proud of, and a confident adult who we know won't let us down.

How he will fare is anyone's guess.  He will be playing his sport, Volleyball which he loves, and getting the chance to travel length and breath of North America's to do so.  He will be studying English.  I hope that I can encourage him to blog, because I know that his learning and travels along side his humour will make for the best reading.

I'm not blogging as much these days, because I'm blipping.    But I will try.

Someone else might find the experience useful.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Sunday Stealing..... Anything to avoid what I'm supposed to do!

Sunday Stealing: Meme Of Many Odd Questions, Part One 
Cheers to all of us thieves!
 
1. First thing you wash in the shower?   

My Hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?


I don't have a hoodie. I am middle aged.  I do however wear my son's hoodie which is grey.  I love it.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?   

Oh I would indeedy. Is my beardie husband.

4. Do you plan outfits?   

-  Ha ha ha. no. Although Yesterday I did buy a pair of trousers, and a top which actually match!  I didn't buy them to  go together though.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?   

- Tired. I like my bed. I should really go.

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red? 

"startled by my furry shorts"  A book.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? 

-  I met a vampire - I had just started reading Eclipse, I am so behind the times. I read the book after the film comes out, and about a year before I'll see it on DVD.  The vampire did not bite me, but made me cut a line in my leg, which he pressed a similar line on his opposite leg to.  Very sensuous!

8. Did you meet anybody new today?   

Nope.  I met no one. But yesterday I met a friend I haven't seen for ages, over a year.  It was nice to chat to her.  When you have old friends you can flip back in to chat like you never haven't missed them.

9. What are you craving right now?   

I am craving a cup of tea.

10. Do you floss?  

Yes I do, probably not as often as I should be most certainly. I have a fear of my teeth falling out. And dentist said floss would help stop that,

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?  

tooliebelle, and cabbage farts.

12. Are you emotional?  

Very. I have pills to make me less so.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?   

Yes. frequently.  I work with numbers.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?   

Lick.... It's not a biteable thing.

15. Do you like your hair?  

Yus.  Except that it is grey, and I have to dye it constantly.

16. Do you like yourself?   

I do.  very much.   I try to be as good a person as I can be, but the thing I like the most, is that I am surrounded by people I like!

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? 

ha ha ha  -  I don't think I'd ever have occassion, but if he was buying, yes of course.

18. What are you listening to right now?  

Holland V Spain, World Cup Final.

19. Are your parents strict?  

- Only one left, and the other has retreated into second childhood - I have to dscipline her!

20. Would you go sky diving?  

No. If an accident should happen, I would hate to be responsible for killing a cow.

21. Do you like cottage cheese? 

I do. especially if it has pineapple in it.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?   

Yes.  I have met, (1) The Queen.   (2) Sean Connery (3) a band from the 80's  (4) Politicians

How Could I Live?

All is good in the Dogwithnobrain world now.

I have all my family around me.  Boy is home, Girl is in Bed. Beloved is home from camp.

Good.

Friday, July 09, 2010

I want the Happy Ever After......

Friday 5  : Read, Copy and Answer, and Link back to Friday5.org


In the fairy tale of your life, who is the knight in shining armor?
My beloved, my husband. He is my knight, and always, always protects me and saves me, and always loves me.  Totally. 

In the fairy tale of your life, who is the evil villain?
The Bank Statements.  There is never enough money for everything.

In the fairy tale of your life, who is the loyal, comedic sidekick?My Kids.  Both of them.  They are the sunshine in my heart. They make me smile when no one else can.  They are funny and beautiful and fill my heart.


In the fairy tale of your life, what comes right after “Once upon a time…?”
The girl met her Sailor, and he came back.  And they lived, happily ever after.
 
In the fairy tale of your life, who is the fairy godmother?
My Mum, who always has the answers and the solutions to what might appear to be the worst nightmare. 

Thanks for participating, and have a happily ever after weekend!

Monday, July 05, 2010

Liar Liar Your Pants are On Fire

I joined a company based on the fact that their name stood for my one true belief.  Honesty, and integrity and everything you do.

I believe that, and if you don't that I find it hard to reconcile the two.

Friday, July 02, 2010

Sunday Stealing, or a Friday 22

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. What curse word do you use the most?  

Buggary Bollocks

2. Do you own an iPod?  

Yes, Shuffle and Iphone

3. What person do you talk to on the phone the most? 

Mum

4. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?  

 Yes, yeuk.

5. Do you remember where you were on 11/9/01?  

Sitting on the couch watching the tv. Off work for the first time with Depression.  Watching events unfold, I realised life could never be THAT bad.  Went back to work the next day. Have never needed a day off work for depression again.

6. What was the last movie you watched?


Karate Kid, Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan.
 
7. Has anyone ever called you lazy?Me..
 
8. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?Yes.
 
9. Has anyone told you a secret this week?pression again.
 
10. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?Eyes....
 
11. What are you looking forward to?Boy getting to USA.
 
12. Do you own any band t-shirts?Nope.
 
13. What will you be doing in one hour?Accounts.
 
14. Is anyone in love with you?Yes.
 
15. Last time you cried?Karate Kid, Sunday Jaden Smith, and Jackie Chan, (No I haven't copied and pasted, that is when I cried. .
 
16. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?Computer.
 
17. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?Yes. want a wee wrist tattoo.
 
18. Would you ever date anyone covered in tattoos?Nope don't think so my husband would kill me.
 
19. What were you doing before this?Accounting.
 
20. When is the last time you slept on the floor?Does floor of tent count? .
 
21. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?16.
 
22. Do you eat breakfast daily?
Nope sorry.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Never Say Never.

On Sunday, a rare treat - not so much going to the Cinema, but going to the Cinema with my Husband, Son and Daughter. 

Filmfirst had graciously provided tickets and we gladly received them, for a respite from the football!

I loved the original, "wax on, wax off", and I completely love Jackie Chan, so I went with happy heart.

And happy heart it remained.  Despite the cinema being full to bursting, we managed to get seats together, up top. We missed the first five minutes, but thanks to back writing and dialogue we were easily able to pick up the reasons for the move to China.

Jaden Smith is one wee cool dude.   You like him from the moment the camera is on him.   The mother, sadly, could have been re-cast with someone a little less "full-on".  Maybe Jada Pinkett-Smith?   She was not in it so often, and maybe she was just making the most of her limited dialogue, but she could have turned it down a notch or two.  That was the only bad bit of the film.

China was represented beautifully, the gardens, the people, the markets, the old, the new. 

The story built brilliantly, with Dre being bullied, viciously  by the lads from the (bad) Kung Fu School.  Mr Han, appeared slowly, his character building to the saddest scene in the broken car in the living room.  Tears were streaming down my face!

The fight scenes at the end were amazing.  These kids, knew their stuff, and I loved the fact that the little lad ordered to hurt Dre looked so wonderfully shameful.  I loved that they realised their mantra to date had been wrong, but I was sad that it took Dre getting severely beaten to achieve that.

A wonderful, wonderful film. Could be shown along side the original and although each has it's own merits, both will stand the test of time on their own.


Monday, June 21, 2010

What's That Coming over the Hill???

I have regressed. 

I watch Dr Who with my heart in my mouth.

I watched it twice this weekend, and was still as excited.

I'm 46.  I'm exceptionally sad.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A smallholders Diary

I thought I was going to wind a Diary. I had visions of a medium sized mole skined, yellowing pages.   However it transpires that you can win a Dulux Ecosense Painting kit. Which WOuld be quite nice, because I have visions of a new bed room colour scheme!


http://www.smallholdersdiary.com/2010/05/win-ecosense-paint-kit.html



Friday, May 21, 2010

I go walking in my dreams


there is little I like more than scrambling into a freshly made bed; especially a bed whose sheets and pillow cases have spent the day out blowing in the wind. The only thing that could make this perfect right now is if my husband were here with me- instead he is off with 30 scouts camping at culzean castle! I'm feeling pretty rough too. I think the volcanic ash has finally caught up with me, and am achy but worse than that I'm the wheeziest I've been in about 5 years. And that isn't good . The coughing is causing a pain in my chest and the back of my neck is sore -is okay tho inhavr nothing on all weekend so can just chill!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I don't Know, I don't Know, I don't Know.

Train journey was ideal this morning. Apart from two things!

I decided "HEADPHONES".  Why I didn't think of this before I have no idea.  I think maybe in my subconscious I like to hear what is being said, despite the sweariness. However.  Train for twenty minutes with Gary Barlow singing gently in my ear, whilst crocheting in baby blue was heaven. 

Except for the part where I sung "am so cold and all alone" outloud.

And also, the part where I reached down and fiddled with the zipper on my rucksack and was confused and saddened because I couldn't open it. As the chap across from me, got up, and lifted HIS rucksack from between us, I suddenly remembered my rucksack was on the seat beside me!

Monday, May 17, 2010

I'll Give So Much More than I get....

Woke up to a bright and sunny day.  What a difference that makes to the horrendous task of waving farewell to the weekend.

The bounce, because I did bounce, down to the station was delightful. Birds singing in the trees, and bees buzzing, and wee Fat Cat Stalking me pathetically.  (She wails the whole time). Waaaaaeeeeooooooowwwwwaaaaaaaa.

The train was on time,  it wasn't a steam train, but it was clean, and there was a lack of neds.  Neds did appear at the next station sadly. What is it about young people today that they have an inability, even to discuss the most menial topics without a liberal sprinkling of F and C.  Television Programmes, Their Parents, People they Like, things they like. They don't even use these word for things they don't like.  They are a inconsequential adjective.  A pointless use of a word which just offends the ears.

Anyways. Arrived safely ensconced in my crochet I can block out most sounds.

Delighted to see Blonde and Blonder were looking stunning today. Blonde has gone dark, which means my name for them is pointless, but give her a couple of weeks. The orange skin and brown feet look much better with blonde.   Blonder was amazing this morning. I reckon she must have had 3 hairpieces on.  She was more hair than she was body.

AMAZING!

Oh - And I forgot yesterday to show you the treasure.... hence today's photo.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Today this could be, the best Day Of Our Life

Well, this weekend possibly could have been. 

I caught up with old friends.

Enjoyed a coffee at an outside cafe with the one that I love.  Browsed a new deli in town, which is EVERYTHING a new deli should be.

Had a Reiki session to blow away all Reiki Sessions.

Slept late on Sunday. Had breakfast prepared for me by my son and girlfriend.

Bimbled down to Train Station with my whole family to watch a steam train. 

Was entertained by Fat Cat pretending that she was going to chase a crow, and even more entertained by Crow pretending to be intimidated by her (not).

Then went on a treasure hunt, courtesy of Geocaching. Non entirely sure of the purpose or point, other than for fun.  We found the closest one to us. However it took a big glass of wine (see right) before I was brave enough to scramble about on the ground to the absolute horror of my kids.  (My husband doesn't mind these things, I act weird all the time, he is used to it).  I was delighted to find it, and even more delighted to find more clues around the town.  I can see I'm going to be busy.



Thursday, May 13, 2010

I want to sleep with common people like you.

So, same carriage this morning. 

Pretty Blonde Pregnant lady I have seen since before she was pregnant was there.  She is very pretty like a doll.  Very white hair, and her make up always immaculate and pink.  She is like china, and getting bigger by the minute.

Sitting next to me this morning, were 2 neds.  I call them neds, because they had shell suits on and flattened down, gelled hair. 

Their conversation was astounding.  One of the lads, possibly the better looking of the two, kepts getting texts.  They were guessing who it might be, before they looked, and then laughing hysterically when they were both wrong.  When they identified the texter, they then reminisced about where and when they "pumped" her.  Both of them appear to have "pumped" the same girls quite often.  One of them even "pumped" one of the girls on a bench, in a park, whilst another friend watched, albeit from a distance while the lesser good looking of the two squealed at him, (i have to say squealed because that is how he spoke on the train), "this is how it's done mate".  He actually provided actions too. 

I didn't count their sweary words, because to be honest. The doors hadn't shut from my stop and it had already moved into double figures. 

They are both apprentice mechanics. Apparently they have also been Apprentice bricklayers, and before that, apprentice painter and decorators too. They were 17.  How is this possible?  Do they only do 6 months of each Apprenticeship?

At the third stop down the line, I froze. A young school girl got on. White socks, black shoes, uniform the lot.  I begged in my mind for her to turn the opposite direction - head for first class to the left, instead of baggage class like me.  I figured the two of them would get stuck in about slagging her the minute they clocked her.

She turned towards me. I saw the better looking ned look up, and smirk and nod to his mate.  And my heart sunk. Did this little girl deserve to hear what I had been hearing.  (Come to think of it, did I?)  She sat down beside me, and unbelievably, their conversation toned down. I actually think they were trying to impress her, with their knowledgeable chat about mechanics and working for a qualification.

I was so grateful, I said thank you to her when I got off the train.  I said "i was so worried you would sit down and they would abuse your ears, but they actually acted with a bit of respect".

Thank you !

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

And We're Rolling, Rolling, Rolling down the Rive.

I changed carriages today.

Mainly because I didn't want the harassment of the 8 school kids who are travelling outwith their placement zone to attend the good school where I live, and in doing so ruining it's reputation in a 7 minute journey.  I only have to tolerate them for 3 minutes, but the language and behaviour to each other, and other travellers is intolerable.  I reported them to the head teacher last week, who replied that he would "endeavour" to identify them.  It's easy. Look at the placement requests, pull out all the pupils from Nowhere Land, and rip in to them.

My new carriage was lovely.  I got a window seat - reverse to direction, but that doesn't matter to me.  Across from me empty.  Diagonally opposite, a professor I think.  He had a book of Fossils.  The fact that he had fallen asleep while reading it, suggests maybe not a professor, but a student. A mature student, influenced by Ross in Friends (poor choice), and deciding late in life to become a love-lorn paleontologists.  He disembarked at the Airport. Maybe he was going on a trip to dig up some fossils. Maybe he was going to a dig, like Sam King in Jurassic Park?

When Professor got off, a Film Director got on.  He was fascinated by make-up lady, but not distracted enough, not to pull out his copy of "A Street Car Named Desire", with all his notes attached, wave it around in the air, so that we all recognised him for the artist he was, and then put it away again.  The real star of this carriage was make up lady.

Sitting on the same side as me, a young girl, who got on bereft of make-up. I have to say she looked pretty rough. But then, to my amazement, she pulled from her massive bag, toner, and toned.  Moisturiser and Moisturised.  Then a stream of make-up, proud of any counter, and completely transformed herself.  The effort however had been put to waste, when she stood up and her skirt was stuck to the waistband of itself.

Across from me on the opposite side of the train, a lady watched me sewing.  I could see her, because she was watching my hands.  It is so lovely that doing something that occupies people with your hands, allows you to examine what is going on around you, without "intruding" as it were.

She was watching the make-up artist with fascination.   A chap who had been sitting opposite her, with his sterling silver flask, harrumphed at the make-up putting on, and stood and moved to a newly empty seat. Looked down his nose at everyone, supped some of his home made coffee, which was obviously far superior to Costa, Nero or Coffee and Co, we rarely see Starbucks down here), and then picked up a Daily Record and began to read.  You just let yourself down big time there big man.

As I got off the Train, I met Andy, who is normally on my carriage. I explained why I had moved carriage, and told him I had reported the offended youngsters to the school. I'm not sure if that made him happy or not. He has a strange way of expressing himself, but I think he likes me, and I think maybe he was happy someone had done something.

I also spotted man who I follow at fast pace, and nodded hello to him.  One morning, after being pounced on by a junkie for a "light, or lighter even", i chased down the street after a face I knew, in order to afford myself some protection.  I think the poor man thought I was chasing him. It was 2 weeks before I saw him on the train again. I like to think he was on holiday, and no avoiding me.   I have explained to him what we are doing, and now I like to think that he is proud to be my protector.

Only one of Blond and Beautiful were there this morning. Not sure, where the other one was.  Blond, is not particularly beautiful.  She is petite, yes, dressed like a shop dummy in one of the "hip" dress shops, handy with hairpieces, and constantly updating the orange effect all over her body.  She is like little Tango Lady.   Her feet are almost dried apricot with hard skin. It is difficult to look at without pulling faces.  She wears the most amazing shoes; i have no idea how she manages to balance all the way to her work.

As I excited the Station, there was Gavin.  I call him Gavin, because my Son decided on a name.  I think it suits, because he is love-struck like Gavin in the TV show.  Gavin is on my train every morning, I'm not sure where he gets on, but every day, Gavin leaves the train, goes through the barriers and waits for Nessa/Peggy.  I call her Nessa because her attitude is similar to Nessa of Gavin and Stacy.  I called her Peggy, as a nice way of saying Piggy, cause she bears a fantastic resemblance to Miss Piggy, in shape, form, and attitude. I suppose I should just call her Peggy, but I like the Gavin and Stacy connection.

Gavin was let down today. Peggy wasn't there.  You would think when the work together, she could at least text and say "don't wait I'm not on the train".  I've sat next to her a couple of times, and she has audibly groaned when she see him.  But her demeanour and attitude don't put Gav off.  He waits patiently like a wee pup for her everyday. And when she isn't there.  His tail droops.