The Friday 5 on a Saturday

The Saturday Friday 5


What were the events that led to your being in the most trouble with your parents ever?
My mate and I at the ripe old age of 11. Met 3 boys camping on Troon beach. After a couple of days of walking around the town, and playing on the beach, they invited us for "dinner" that evening. We decided that we would tell our folks that we were going to the Swimming Pool, and would be home when it closed (These were in the good old days when 11 year olds could happily go out in the evening and return home at 9.30 without succumbing to drink, drugs, underage sex or paedophiles. We had a lovely evening, served a buffet of Sausages cooked over gas ring, with Smash. 5 of us, squished inside a 2 man tent. no funny business, just kids having fun. Anyways, we walked up the road, and realised that we were later than our 9.30 curfew. We walked into her house, and her dad yelled at us "where have you been - your mum (indicating my pal) and your parents are out combing the streets for you".

We realised that we weren't showing obvious signs of swimming, so ran quickly up the stairs, and stuck our heads in the shower, and wet our costumes. On coming down, all three searching parents had returned, and we were duly screamed at for a good 10 minutes, after which time I was escorted to the car, and stuffed in the back. My sister was sitting smirking at me - at 14, she was normally the cause for mum and dad screaming - it was lovely for her to watch me being screamed at.

We never confessed to where we had been, or what we had been up to.... would we have been believed that it was all innocence? Nah I doubt it! Anyways to this day, we were just dawdling around the town........ until maybe she reads this.



What happened when you received your worst childhood physical injury?
The week before I started primary school, my sister had her friend round to play at our house. I objected strongly to her being there, for what reason, I do not know. However, in order to put a spoke in the works of their game, I decided then would be a good time to dig a hole in the ground. The location? Under the swing where my sisters friend was playing. As she swung back I plonked myself down on the ground under the swing, where the sand was soft and diggable. And then, I was flat on my back with blood pouring down my face as the swing came forward and cracked me on the head.


What was the worst trouble you ever got into in school?
I was a really really good kid - Too scared to do anything. In Mrs Henderson's Accounts Class. The class "ned" interrupted me and my friend Fiona's reminiscence of our holiday in Aviemore. The two of us sat there swooning over a couple of photographs of our Summer Loves, and the ned leaned back and took them out my hand. She was hooting and wooping about them, and Mrs Henderson came up and leaned over, and took them off her. I sat the whole period terrified, knowing that I would have to go up and ask for them back. At the end of the class I waited behing, and tiptoed up to her class. Mrs Henderson was horrified that they were mine. She "thought better of me". and gave me them back on the condition that I never "let her or myself down again". That was enough. I never did!


What kind of trouble have you been in at work?
While acting as "assistant manager" in a large restaurant in Glasgow, I had a real niggle against one of the other "assistant managers" who was always trying to "out manage me". One morning while trying while doing admin, he came up stairs (he was confined to the kitchen - i wonder why), and put on the TV - volume up - which was a bIG NO NO.

I switched it off, and then began a switch on ./ off saga which went on for some time. When he realised it was me, he came up and yelled at me for "undermining" him. Wow.Undermine him... that was enough, I stood up, and gave him exactly what for. His disgusting hygiene habits, why he was down in the kitchen why I was upstairs, his ugly face, his bad clothes, his lack of humour, his lack of personality, all at about 50 decibles - so that EVERYONE in the place could hear. I had all the staff standing round listening.

Eventually one of the other managers came out and dragged me away. Surprisingly enough - both of us got pulled in and rapped. But as I walked away with my reprimant -my manager said "thank god someone told him".

How do you usually deal with the knowledge that you’re about to be in big trouble?
Pyscically sick.